I Am Worried About Their Friends
What is happening?
Peer relationships are enormously powerful in adolescence. When you are worried about who your child is spending time with, it is important to understand what those relationships mean to your child before deciding how to respond.
What may be underneath it?
Young people often choose friendships that meet needs that are not being met elsewhere — belonging, status, excitement, protection, identity. Trying to remove those friendships without understanding what they provide rarely works and can damage your relationship with your child.
What makes things worse?
Issuing ultimatums about friendships without understanding the context can push your child further toward those friends and away from you. Criticising the friends directly can feel like a criticism of your child's judgement and increase defensiveness.
What can help?
Try to understand what your child gets from these friendships. Have honest conversations about your concerns without issuing ultimatums. Look for ways to strengthen your child's connection to other people and environments. Stay engaged with your child's life so you know what is happening.
What happens next?
Where peer influence is linked to risk, structured support can help. RAP Academy works with young people to explore identity, belonging and decision-making.
Questions to think about
- 1.What does my child get from these friendships that they are not getting elsewhere?
- 2.Have I talked to my child honestly about my concerns?
- 3.Are there other relationships and environments I can strengthen?
- 4.Is there an immediate risk, or is this a longer-term concern?
- 5.How can I stay connected to my child's life without becoming controlling?