They Are Angry All the Time
What is happening?
Living with a young person who is persistently angry is exhausting and frightening. It can feel like everything you do makes it worse. Understanding what is driving the anger is the first step toward being able to help.
What may be underneath it?
Persistent anger in young people is rarely just about what it appears to be about. It often protects against more vulnerable feelings — fear, shame, grief, powerlessness. It can be a response to experiences at school, in friendships, or in the wider environment that the young person has not been able to process or talk about.
What makes things worse?
Responding to anger with anger escalates rather than de-escalates. Withdrawing completely leaves the young person without support. Trying to reason with someone in an acute state of anger rarely works — the conversation needs to happen when things are calmer.
What can help?
Try to stay calm when the anger is at its peak, even when that is very difficult. Look for patterns — what tends to trigger the anger, and what helps it pass. Find moments when things are calmer to have honest conversations about what is going on. Make clear that you are not going anywhere, even when things are hard.
What happens next?
Where anger is persistent and linked to risk, structured support can help. RAP Academy works with young people to explore what is driving difficult behaviour.
Questions to think about
- 1.When did the anger start, and what was happening at that time?
- 2.Are there particular situations or people that seem to trigger it?
- 3.Does my child have anyone they can talk to honestly?
- 4.Is the anger getting worse, and is there a risk of harm?
- 5.What does my child need that they are not currently getting?